“I’m sorry, ma’am. We can’t find a heartbeat.” Her sorrowful voice plays over and over in my mind.
The Lord gives and Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.
“It’s not even a real baby. You’re not even a real mom. You can’t even do that right.” His voice plays over and over in my mind.
The Lord gives and Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.
“I’m sorry, ma’am. You’re being served papers of divorce.” The officers voice echoed.
The Lord gives and Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.
Five years later, in January, the Lord woke me up to pray over my children. I stood, looking out the bedroom window, my new husband still asleep in our bed. “You took that from me. Don’t you remember?” I spoke bitterly.
Thankfully, He’s a merciful God and was not taken aback by my attitude in the middle of that night.
“I’ll give you three.” He said. “Two boys and a girl.”
Immediately humbled to my knees, “They’re yours. I give them back to you.” I whispered. “Show me their giftings so I can raise them to be used for your kingdom.”
The first one, born later that year. A boy. The gift of words. My Garrett Layne, who prophesied of his brother.
The second one. A boy. The gift of service. My Beckett Myles, whose name means bright and shining solider.
Bright. Shining.
Born in January, two weeks over his “due date”…. my darkest of months.
While my eyes were so focused on putting one foot in front in front of the other, God’s broad paintbrush was already lighting up the darkness for me to see His goodness years later.
Oh, empty arms waiting to be called mama, take heart. He goes before you. I know you’re just trying to put one foot in front of the other, while everyone else’s arms seem full, and I know it looks dark right now.
But He is light. (John 8:12)
And I am certain you will see the Lord’s goodness in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord.
Be strong.
Let your heart be courageous.
Wait for the Lord.
(Psalms 27:13-14)