I remember in my early months of postpartum I flew off the handle towards my two year old for something so tiny. I looked at his little face and thought, “what is wrong with me?” Was I frustrated? Yes. Overwhelmed? Sure. But why on Earth was I now this crazy, angry mom.
It happened a few more times and I felt crazier each time. I went to a mom support group, it got so bad. They recommended some supplements for mineral deficiency. I loaded my Amazon cart with all of them in hopes that I would stop feeling the urge of anger. Months went by and the supplements helped some, but it sure didn’t stop my random fits.
After another episode followed by extreme guilt and apologies, I knelt down by my bed and said, “God, forgive me! I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know why I can’t make this stop. I need you to fix it.”
The next few days He revealed what supplements could not fix.
The acts of the flesh are obvious… fits of rage… those who practice such things will not inherit the Kingdom of God. Galatians 5:19-21
Even as someone filled with the Spirit, I HAVE to crucify my flesh. Anger is a fleshly desire.
Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. Luke 9:23
Did you catch that? DAILY. Every single day. I have to tell my flesh no. I have to crucify my flesh.
Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Galatians 5:24
Isn’t that hard? Yeah. Some days it is. BUT that’s where the Holy Spirit, the helper (John 14:26) comes in.
So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. Galatians 5:16
How do I know I’m walking in the Spirit? My day to day actions will show love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control towards the people around me.
There's wisdom is recognizing my flesh is acting out and when my hormones are out of balance. For me, there was both. My hormones from postpartum were still trying to balance, and it is so so so important to get your body back in balance and recognizing overwhelm... but in that same breathe, we need to recognize that even in our imbalances, we have to crucify our flesh.