I'll be honest to say that I did not set out super interested in this book - I picked it solely so I could cross off the letter Y on my ABC book goal for the year. What may have started as a checklist read, ended in a book I really took a lot of information and guidance from.
Gentle parenting has been the focus of several parenting groups, with both positive and negative things to say about it. While I really want to discipline with empathy, respect, understanding, and boundaries, I often feel like I lack the strategies on how to parent when emotions are all running high.
This was a really good book that gave strategies as well as scenarios for when you could use thier strategies. At the end of their book, they have what they refer to as a "Refrigerator Sheet" for you to refer back to of their key concepts. I'll include this here for easy reference for myself.
Yes Brain- Flexible, curious, resilient, willing to try new things and even make mistakes.
- Open to the world and relationships, helping us relate to others and understand ourselves.
- Develops an internal compass and leads to true success because it prioritizes the inner world of a child and looks for ways to challenge the child's whole brain to reach its potential.
- Reactive and fearful, rigid and shut-down, worrying that it might make a mistake.
- Tends to focus on external achievement and goals, not on internal effort and exploration.
- Might lead to gold stars and external success, but does so by rigidly adhering to convention and the status quo and becoming good at pleasing others, to the detriment of curiosity and joy.
The Four Fundamentals of the Yes Brain
Parents can create balance by finding the "integration sweet spot? Balance comes from being appropriately differentiated and linked.
Balance Strategy #1: Maximize the ZZZ's-provide enough sleep.
Balance Strategy #2: Serve a Healthy Mind Platter--balance the family's schedule.
Resilience (expanding the green zone). Both goals lead to the ability to bounce back from adversity.
Behavior is communication, so instead of focusing solely on extinguishing problematic behavior, listen to the message, then build skills. o sometimes kids need pushin, and sometimes they need cushion. o
Resilience Strategy #2: Teach mindsight skills- show kids how to shift their perspectives so they are not victims to their emotions and circumstances.
The observer and the observed: be the spectator observing the player on the field. The power is in the pause that lets us choose how we respond to a situation.
Insight Strategy #1: Reframe pain-ask kids, "Which struggle do you prefer?"
Insight Strategy #2: Avoid the Red Volcano eruption- teach kids to pause before erupting.
It's about understanding the perspective of another, as well as caring enough to take action to make things better.
Empathy Strategy #1: Fine-tune the "empathy radar" _activate the social engagement system.
Empathy Strategy #2: Establish a language of empathy-provide a vocabulary that communicates care.
Empathy Strategy #3: Expand the circle of concern-increase kids' awareness of people outside their most intimate connections.